Haller Baler!

The countdown begins..... I'll say Haller!!!! soooonnn.

Birthday Post

Every birthday nalang hinihintay kita, bakit ba lagi nalang wala????

Naalala mo, binabati mo ako pero hanggang ganon nalang...

Nasasaktan ako e, hindi ba ako special sa'yo?

Shiet naman pinakasalan mo nga ako pero bakit parang lagi naman akong nagiisa???

Kung kanta lang tayo, matagal na tayong naisulat

I was alone thinking I was just fine
I wasn’t looking for anyone to be mine
I thought that love was just a fabrication
A train that wouldn’t stop at my station
Home, alone, that was my consignment
Solitary confinement
So when we met I was getting around you
I didn’t know I was looking for love until I found you

Coz there we stood and I would oh I wonder could
I say what I felt and not be misunderstood
A thousand stars came into my system
I never knew how much I had missed then
Slap on the lap of my heart you landed
I was coy but you made me candid
And now the planets circle around you
I didn’t know I was looking for love until I found you

So we build from here with love the foundation
In a world were tears are consolation
Now you’re here there’s a full brass band
Playing in me like a wonderland
And if you left I would be two foot small
And every tear would be a waterfall
Soundless, boundless I surround you
I didn’t know I was looking for love until I found you

The one that got away Source: The Manila Times By: Mark J. Macapagal

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with...and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just tha t it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.

If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away.

Cyrelle is the Name

I love and hate my name at the same time. I love it when JP, closest friends and some relatives calls me Ayie, hate it when JP calls me Cye meaning he is irritated with me, Cyrelle when Mama is pikon na hehehe and lastly pronounced as SAIREL (by my boss) meaning in demand for the day parang defense ng thesis ang araw ko to the point na gusto ko na magpalit ng name :(: CYRELLE CYRELLE CYRELLE music to my ears hehehe

UP FAIR, Post Vday date

I was overly excited to go to this year's UP FAIR for the following reason:

1. I've been wanting to go there with JP, I know how he loves to go to UP once in awhile to reminisce his College days;
2. Armi Millari of Up Dharma Down; finally I'll get to see her, I'm having identity crisis everytime I hear and see her pretty face;
3. I thought JP would treat me at Chocolate Kiss before the fair will start but infortunately he didn't;

Actually, it was pure disappointment for me, we waited in line for an hour just to be able to enter the venue and then another 4 hours for UDD to perfom and unfortunately, they only did 3 songs; haaay... UP Fair is not the best idea for Valentines.

Epekto ng Araw ng mga Puso

February 14 mga 7 years ago. Flash back ng konti. Single, may gusto pero hindi sigurado kung gusto din ako.

Malabo, excited ako pumasok lagi kasi seatmates kami. Konting dikit ng elbows parang nakukuryente ako. Ganito buong Sem, magkikita pag pasok, magka text pag uwi, sa gabi may sundot pang tawag, usual na love life ng isang estudyante.

May crush din daw sya saakin sabi ng classmate namin, sabi daw nya at may comment pa obvious naman na type kodin sya e, bagay kau, bat di pa kau?

Duhh as if kaya ko mag confess, conservative kaya ako sa ganitong sitwasyon.

Graduation, di sya kasama kasi he stopped, akala nya his band will make it to Japan, unfortunately hindi natuloy... Sayang.

No communication shortly after 2 years, oh well thou conservative ako, meron akong chat mate at text mate, nag aaliw saakin, parang like ko na sya, nagkita naman kami, mas gwapo si classmate but he is nice, mas may substance kaysa kay classmate. Maraming mas si chatmate yun nga lang ung number one factor in choosing a partner, yung panlabas na anyo, sige sige judgemental na ako pero sino ba naman ang hahanap ng chaka  na jowa kung di ka naman kagadahan, baka pagsakluban ang magiging offspring.

Anyway, ayun meron akong taga aliw nung nawala sya... Maraming nangyari, forgotten na si chatmate kaya lang bumalik si classmate pero tae sa lahat ng mga taeng lusaw torpe to the maximum level si Classmate... di kayang magtapat, puro pasaring...

Wow, MU na kami, akala ko yun, siguro nga, lagi na kami nagkikita, nagupunta sya sa office, , nagkikita sa gabi, punta sa gig nya, mas madalas na text kwentuhan, kahit sabihin kong matutulog na ako maglalambing muna, wag daw muna ako tulog kasi gusto pa ng kausap... Ganito kami for the longest time, nakakasawa naman pala, kasi naman bakit hindi uso ang status na exclusively dating noon. MU palang ang uso :(

Nagsawa kami pareho, baka ako ang inaantay nyang magsabi na mahal ko sya, e hinihintay ko din sya... patay na... wala na hintayan hanggang parehong napagod...

February 14, 6 years ago. The Pursuit of the one who is persistent.

Napagod kay Classmate, oh well may fall back si Ate, si Kuya na matiaga, si Kuya na lamang sa lahat kay classmate maliban sa pretty face, oh well, just so you know si Classmate may hawig kay Brandon Boyd pero baka ilusyon ko lang iyon. Going back, yes... Si Kuya nalang baka dito happy na Valentines day ko.

Sabi nya love nya ako, medyo feel ko naman, o sige tutal new age era na, madami nading pagmamahalan na nabuo sa net ang nangyari so siguro nga ok na din sya, since hindi ko nadin naman matake ang araw na wala kami communication siguro nga love ko na sya...

And the rest is history between me and Kuya.

February 14, at present, daig ko pa ang single, in reality married na ako e, 5 years into the marriage pero bakit parang nag se-celebrate ako mag isa. Kung hindi pa mag aaway wala pa akong bouquet of flowers, pero gagalitin mo ko na tipong konti nalang puputok ang ugat ko sa puso at utak saka pa ako bibigyan ng flowers? Maapreciate ko ba iyon? well, siguro sa iba oo, pero ako hindi ko naappreciate. Malalim ang pinaghuhugutan ko. Bitter Gourd and drama ko...

February 14, last year, nag away din kami big fight, he gave me flowers a day after heart's day... Everyone has their own share of happy heart's day, me, oh well, am mad on the day na dapat punong puno ako ng pagmamahal. Ang sakit sa bangs diba? Valentine's, may asawa, 5 years palang kasal dapat sweetie sweetie pa pero kami, hayyyy....

Hindi nga ako magawang madala sa movie house. Nung single ako, stress buster ko yan e, mag sine mag isa, pero syempre okay na okay din ung may kasama ka, para naman sweet ang ambiance. Ni hindi nga ako magawang ma dinner date, lunch date or breakfast date... Just typing this my hinaing in my married life naiiyak ako...

Likas talagang hindi ako sweet, alam ko naman yun, pero ikaw sabi mo sweet kang tao, bakit hindi mo ilabas saakin, malay mo ma compliment ko naman ung pagiging sweet mo sa ibang bagay. No chocolate from you? If I'll ask you nga if you know my fave chocolate e hindi mo alam ang sagot, oh well, 3 musketeers, Cadbury's Dairy Milk and Snickers. Yan lang masaya na ako e.... Mabuti pa ang dati kong boss, binigyan ako ng snickers nung birthday ko, ikaw ano ba? kahit nga chocnut talo talo na basta galing sayo... Kaso bokya e, kaya ito kawawang si Ako, mag celebrate mag isa.

Dahil nga sa magkaaway kami, naisip ko mag sine mag isa, maganda daw ung movie na The Vow, o di nagplano na akong manood alone, tpos dumating si Kuya, 15 minutes before mag uwian, so I thought complete package na, mag sine, kakain etc. etc., kahit ako naman mag bayad okay lang tutal sanay na akong tagabunot pag lalabas tayo. kaya lang wala e, you want to go home na... Sira ang plano.. Sad nanaman ako...

Prior to Valentine's, at present, nagkasundo na kami manood ng UP FAIR on Feb 18, date namin then after ko makita si Armi ng Up Dharma Down punta na kami sa Wensha para mag relax... We have tickets na but with our fight, I doubt kung magiging happy pa ako this week.

Wow na wow talaga, mabuti pa nung Single ako no expectations kasi wala naman akong jowa meron man unofficial ika nga so hindi ako umaasa pero ngayon? masama bang umasa ako? natural naman na umasa ako may asawa na ako e... haaaay next time, di bale, i'll treat Valentine's as if it is All Souls Day para hindi na ako masaktan.

You Look Good by hypen

An answer from another writer in peyups.com, according to the thread when it was still available the writers didn't know each other, maybe they would really look good together :) so here it is,,, sequel to "You Look Good Together post by kawaii"


I get visions of our seemingly endless trips together and our endearing lull times at home. I remember the way you rest your head on my knees, and the feel of your fingers traversing my calf. And the way I look at you thinking…God has given me more than everything beautiful in this world. 

It’s a shame really. Believing in something yet letting it sail away…

From afar I see. You look good.

Time has been good to you. I see. It must have been three?…two?…years since we last saw each other. But it seems more than that for me. I counted the minutes. And as much as I never lost count, I never lost what I felt for you. 

Pathetic, you might say. How stubborn I am for not believing that you don’t need me in your life anymore. How much I believed that the words you threw at me that night, were only words of anger. Hopeful that someday you’ll feel sorry for telling me so and so…

So here I am now, losing breath at the sight of you. 


I get visions of our seemingly endless trips together and our endearing lull times at home. I remember the way you rest your head on my knees, and the feel of your fingers traversing my calf. And the way I look at you thinking…God has given me more than everything beautiful in this world. 

It’s a shame really. Believing in something yet letting it sail away…

I should have insisted more. I shouldn’t have had myself affected by the pain. I should have begged for more of you. Because now I find myself not convinced by our last exchange of words. Had I only been more courageous, although with someone, I wouldn’t be this alone. 

We looked good when we were together. Yup. But the problem is...now you still do. And I don’t without you. 

Although my fingers are playing with someone else’s hair tonight, it’s the scent of your hair that’s playing in my mind...

As I see you now, I realize, you are happy with your decision. It's in the way your eyes are musing, longing for a definite someone to be beside you. 


May be I should move on. 

It’s for the common good.

You do look good. 

You Look Good Together by Kawaii

I love reading Articles from peyups.com when it was still available luckily I was able to save some of the nicest articles...

I saw you two come in the same café I'm in.

I have to say, you look good together.

How long has it been since we broke up? Two years? Three years? I've lost count.  It doesn't really make a difference to me if it were a ten or a hundred years since the last time we're together.  Time doesn't change a thing for me.

I still feel the same.

Pathetic, isn't it? How everyone managed to move on, except for me.  My friends would surely laugh if I told them the sight of you still takes my breath away.  I can already see them with their mouths wide open, staring at me as if I'd just said the most ridiculous thing on earth.  They would never take this shit from me.  I'm not known to be someone with a short attention span for nothing.  I always immediately get tired of everything…

Everything except you.  I still lose my breath whenever I see you.

I remember everything about you.  The way you tilted your head whenever you get clueless, the way you played basketball like there's no tomorrow, and the way you looked at me as if I was the most beautiful girl in this world.

Funny, I never thought that remembering something so good would cause so much pain.

I know it was my fault why we broke up.  I was even the one who broke up with you. What I thought I could live without back then, I live for now.  Isn't it just hilarious how you used to live for me, and I couldn't care less?  You begged me to take you back, but the bitchy girl that I was couldn't see the point.  I just didn't want you anymore.

But who's here alone now? Who's the one with forlorn thoughts, trying to make sense of something that would never make sense?

We looked good together, everyone said so when were still together.

But that's the problem, we're NOT together anymore.  Everything is over.  And I'm still here!

As I watch you now, while you play with her hair two booths from me, I start to realize something.

That you're truly happy.

This is the first time I've seen you smile the way you're smiling now.

Maybe I should go.

I stole one last glance at you two.

You do look good together.

Siklo

Nais ko sumulat ng isang kwento, likhang-isip, magulo, romantiko. Sapagkat ngayon, inaanod ako ng panaginip. Ngayong gabi, kung kailan naibalik ko ang balanse ng aking daigdig – ng aking kamalayan.   Magsisimula ang istorya sa pagkabuhay mula kamatayan.        

Ang tauhan: ako at ikaw, mga likhang nilalang mula sa lupalop ng kawalang-muwang, kabiguan, at kamatayan. Bubuhayin tayo ng teknolohiya, ng enerhiya, at pagkadaka’y pagtatagpuin sa isang burgis na kapihan sa kung saang bituka ng lungsod. Mamamangha ako sa halos hindi maiguhit mong kagandahan, at ikaw naman ay sa aking kakisigan. Gabi iyon, malamig ang hanging amihan.        

Mahiwaga ang hangin, may nostalgia, habang isinasayaw ang mga dahon sa ating paligid. Ililipad tayo ng hangin sa isang misteryosong parke ng hindi natin namamalayan. Doon, pagsasaluhan natin ang gabi, ang kabilugan ng buwan. Magsisimula ang lahat sa pakiramdam, platonic, telephatic, mainit. Didiktahan ng puso ang dugo at pulso, at tatapikin ang ating isip. Magwawakas sa isang segundong tila isang siglong halik.  Subalit bigla tayong paliligiran ng mababangis na aso at nakakapasong alitaptap. Lalansihin tayo ng sanlibong demonyo. Bibingihin tayo ng kanilang mga kahol at bubulagin ng nakasisilaw na liwanag. Magkasabaytayong manghihina, mabibingi, mabubulag, magaapoy, mapapagod. Sa ating pagkalito, tatakbo tayong palayo, malayo sa isa’t-isa. Ako sa silangan, ikaw sa kanluran.         

Isasadlak tayo ng mabigat na puwersa sa banig, sa magkabilang espasyo. Habang inaangal ko ang tila bulkan kong lalamunan, nabibiyak na ulo, at nagliliyab na katawan, ikaw nama’y daraing sa pagaalburuto ng iyong tiyan, nanlalamig na pawis at pabugso-bugsong paghinga.Matagal na mapipigtal ang pisikal nating unyon unyon, ang komunyon, ang enerhiya sa ating katawan. Matagal, napakatagal.        

Lilipas ang mga araw. Hindi na natin muling mapagsasaluhan ang araw na napakahalaga sa ating eksistensiya – kung kelan mahiwaga ang numerong otso, bilog ang buwan, malamlam na kalangitan. Bibiguin tayo ng pagkakataon. Nanaisin nating magkitang muli at tatangkain pang saksihan ang planetang pula na lumapit sa ating magulong daigdig.        

Subalit mahina ako. Sa gabing iyon, hindi ko na kakayaning bumangon sa aking pagkakahiga. Magulo at nanlalata ang aking isip at katawan. Nalilito. Mahina ako kahit gusto ko pa sanang patunayang napakalakas ko, dahil mula ako sa planetang pula, at kaya kong pagtagumpayan ang kahit anong digmaan. Aalis ka. Magkakahiwalay tayo. Tatangkain nating magkitang muli, ngunit pipigilan ng tadhana ang ating pagtatangka. Susundan pa ito ng iba pa, na pipigilan naman ng nakapanlulumo at walang habas na pagulan. Maghihiwalay tayong muli. Magkikitang muli. Paulit-ulit na siklo. Paulit-ulit na pagkabuhay at kamatayan.         

Hanggang darating ang isang bukang liwayway, wala sa ating plano, ngunit sasapulin ang sentro, ang sensitibo. Sabi ko, magkikita tayong muli sa isang romantikong pagkakataon. Ibibigay ko ang aking regalo, ang kapirasong papel na nagsasaad ng hindi maiwawaksi kong litanya, pangkasalukuyan, panghinaharap, panghabangbuhay. Pagkatapos nito yayayain kitang magtungong muli sa misteryosong parke, maglalakad-lakad, pag-uusapan ang ating nakaraan, ang masalimuot kong pagkabata, ang angas ko sa buhay, musika, ingay, kahit ano. At ikaw ikukwento mo ang iyong mga karanasan sa loob ng opisina, ang tungkol kina mama, at papa mong nasa Saudi, at ang kaartehan mo.      

Ngunit, hindi na ito mahalaga. Hindi ito ang magaganap. Dahil isang bukang liwayway, ikaw na mula sa kanluran ay pupunta sa silangan. Hindi ko aasahan ang iyong pagdating. Yayapusin kita ng mahigpit. Yayayain mo akong tangkaing magbalik sa nakaraan. Papayag ako. At muling magsisimula ang ating istorya – mula sa pagkabuhay mula sa kamatayan, sa isang gabi sa burgis na kapihan, at sa parke. Ngunit babaguhin natin ang ating kapalaran. Lalabanan natin ang mababangis na aso at nakapapasong alitaptap, at pagkadaka’y papaslangin ang mga mapanlansing demonyo. Magtatagumpay tayo habang magkakapit ang kamay, ng pinagsamahang enerhiya.         

Mula rito’y magkasabay tayong lalakas, makikinig, mamumulat. Pipigilan natin ang pagkapigtal ng ating unyon. Iwawaksi ang paghihiwalay at muling pagkikita, ang muling pagkikita at paghihiwalay. Lalawig tayo. Walang katapusan. Habang patuloy nating babasagin ang siklo. 

                                                                      *para kay ayie

**** By my hubby JP